In Reflection ~ A Committed Relationship

Slap!

I swatted Reecie’s behind.

“You’re not allowed to kick at me! I don’t care what your reasons might be. It’s unacceptable.”

Reecie had struck out with that right hind leg again. Not waiting for me to be in the proper position to clean that hoof.

Oh boy! The look of disbelief on her face at being slapped for her “unwanted” behavior almost made me laugh. I hid my grin, knowing that I’d made my point I went back to cleaning the hoof. This time she allowed me to take her foot when I was ready.

All of a sudden, the brain gremlins start in, the “what if?” thoughts, the fear — I’m not sure how this is going to go today. Shallow mouth breathing, fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach, should I continue with my plans or call this ride off today? Agghh, Lord, please take this fear away from me. I don’t even know why it comes….

My plan was to ride Reecie in the round pen after some groundwork, but…

Some of the other girls who boarded here at Willow Springs were having a pony-themed birthday party, loud laughter, giggles, and joyous shrieks filled the arena in front of the barn. The round pen was right there. Next to the barn. Near the noise.

I can’t always allow the actions of others to determine my purpose.

You’re right Lord, I have to choose to continue in spite of the fear.

Just as I’d anticipated, the excitement and activity just outside the round pen captured the bulk of Reecie’s attention. But I’d already saddled her in the barn and decided to at least continue on with our groundwork. See what happens, how I feel. If I CAN continue.

Agghh another attack of the “what if” thinking — What if she spooked at the bright colors, loud noises? What if she bolted into the fence?

Shut up brain, I have a good horse. Just keep YOUR mind focused.

Even as my heart throbbed with gut-wrenching fear, with anticipation of some unknown disaster, she did everything I asked during our groundwork, although I did have to be a little more assertive when I asked her. To keep her mind on me, instead of out there…with the party. Ah, who was I kidding, it was ME that needed to stay focused and committed to our work.

Shoving down my what if thoughts, I positioned Reecie next to the mounting block, “Well, Reecie let’s give this a try. Stand please.”

When she stood perfectly still for mounting and continued to stand while I turned my stirrup to slide my foot in, after settling in the saddle, I reached forward and hugged her. “Thank you, Reecie.”

Taking a deep breath, I whispered a quiet prayer – Lord, thank You for giving me such an amazing horse.

We rode for about 15 minutes or so, practicing turns, halts, and moving off at a walk again. Staying focused on each other.

Party? What party?

In Reflection ~

The time Reecie and I spent together in the saddle, on the ground, establishing rules, developing a relationship, built our trust and reliance on each other. A dedicated pattern of loving, committed behavior.

Am I committed to God and trusting Him the way I want my horse to trust and commit to me? How is your relationship with Him? Are you committed to Christ? Trusting Him?

“And may your hearts be fully committed to the LORD our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time,” 1 Kings 8:61 (NIV).

In Reflection ~ What are you Thinking?

On another visit with Reecie, during the early months of our relationship, I brought her up to the barn for grooming while we waited for Sandy, the trainer, to arrive for our lesson.

After brushing, I tried, unsuccessfully, to put fly repellant on Reecie. She shied away from the spray and more of it ended up in the air than actually on her. After a couple more fruitless attempts, I set the bottle down and picked up the hoof pick to clean out her hooves. I began with her left front, then left hind, and moved to do her right hind. She had her foot part way up and gave a little thrust with it. Kicking? or helping? it was hard to guess her intentions.

Reecie, what are you thinking?

After Sandy arrived, my task turned to watching her work with Reecie. Sandy moved objects around, touched Reecie with ropes, a flag, and other small items, non-threatening, but potentially scary to a horse.

Sandy, what are you thinking?

As I watched, Sandy explained her teaching methods as well as her expectations of Reecie. Along with gaining Reecie’s trust, a goal of this lesson was to provide me with knowledge to continue Reecie’s training after she became fully mine, and I took her home with me.

Sandy’s expectations were that the activity would help Reecie adjust to carrying riding tack including a blanket, saddle, and bridle, as well as a rider. And to let her know that everything that moves isn’t out to kill her. Horses have a very strong survival instinct, and to them pretty much everything must be identified or is considered deadly. There’s an old joke that says, “Horses are only afraid of two things, those that move, and those that don’t.”

Later, I reflected upon what I learned about Reecie during this visit. And I learned that I need to be patient with her when teaching new skills. Especially if it involves “scary” stuff like spray bottles. I need to be consistent when I ask her to lift her feet. I’ve already learned she does enjoy being brushed, and she’s taught me which spots she enjoys a vigorous scratching. We both need to learn how to get the flyspray on her, instead of just in the air.

During a follow up visit I discovered the little push with her right rear hoof was her way of saying, “here it is, hurry up and clean it.”

Aha! So that’s what you were thinking.

There wasn’t any threat or aggressiveness to this movement with her foot. She’s impatient when she thinks the human isn’t doing things quite right, e.g., her way. I’ve learned this in other ways over the years too.

In Reflection

How many times do I get impatient with God when I think He isn’t doing things in what I consider the right way or isn’t giving immediate answers to prayers?

God, what are You thinking?

Do I “kick out” to hurry Him along, do I move away from fearful situations, like Reecie moved away from the flyspray, or do I respond according to His expectations, the way Reecie responded to the patient instruction that Sandy offered.

We are limited in our thinking, not knowing what comes next. But Sandy knew what she wanted to teach Reecie. She knew what reaction she expected. And this time the goals were to teach Reecie to trust us, me to know how to build on this trust, and for both of us to be patient.

“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord,” Isaiah 55:8 (NASB).

Lord, thank you for reminding us that Your ways are far greater than ours. Your patience teaches us to trust You and Your instruction.

Horses in my Head

Horses consumed my thoughts. I worked at a horse barn where I took lessons on a couple of the resident horses. But now I wanted a particular horse. My OWN horse. 

Did I want a colorful horse? Like Cloud, the black and white pinto I owned decades ago? Did I want a mare, or would I prefer a gelding?  

• 

  Me and Cloud

I dreamed of a horse that I could — ride on trails with friends; compete in obstacle, pleasure, and showmanship classes at horse shows; drive a cart; march down Main Street in small town parades; dance with as a dressage partner; and delight in at the barn. I wasn’t sure such a horse existed. 

Still, I dreamed. 

In 2003, as I literally worked my way back into the world of horses, I wondered if my dream horse would be Chloe, a gorgeous buckskin mare with the softest, darkest eyes. But no, Chloe was priced way outside my reach. God closed that door.  

Maybe, Dan, another buckskin but this time a gelding. I had a riding lesson with Dan, and then a second. On our third lesson together, as I placed my left foot in the stirrup, lifting my right leg over his back, my out-of-shape self didn’t raise my leg quite high enough. This caused my foot to drag across the top of Dan’s hips. Before I could settle into the saddle and get my foot in the stirrup, the rodeo was on. Dan, possibly thinking he’s being attacked and not realizing it’s only my leg, bucks once, twice, a third time – off I flew — through the air. As Dan spins and bucks for a fourth time his hind hooves catch me in my thigh and kicked  my butt. My felt my head bounce when I slammed onto the ground. Thank the Lord, I was wearing a helmet.  

Mary Ellen asked, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I think so. Where’s Dan?” 

Someone had caught him, so I mounted to continue the lesson. The old adage about getting back into the saddle after being thrown….  

We proceeded to the outdoor arena. I rode around the arena at a walk, trying to get Dan relaxed after sending his emotions sky-high as well as his hind end. The trainer told me to stop, then she came over to shorten my stirrups. Dan, maybe thinking he was in trouble for his frightened antics from before, leapt forward, away from her outstretched hands. When Dan lurched forward, I went over his hindquarters landing flat on my back in the sandy outdoor arena. As I lay there, looking up at the sky, I thought, this has not been good. 

I picked myself up out of the dirt, sore and frustrated, I hobbled back to the barn to get some ice to put on my now darkening hips, leg and lower back. Later, after resting with icepacks on my aching body, my husband and I headed home. Sitting in the car, the pain in my hip and thigh overwhelmed my nervous system and sent me into a seizure.  

My evening ended with a few hours in the hospital and multiple tests to ensure my internal parts were okay. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I was aware of my husband seated at my bedside. Blurred memories of the doctor speaking, of being propelled down the hall on a gurney for a CAT scan, of the cold liquid of an IV flowing into my arm, interrupted my sleep. Late the next morning I was released to go home. The look of relief on my husband’s face told me that those hours had been far more serious than just a long nap.  

In Reflection 

As I drifted in and out of consciousness through that night, my husband watched over me. Just as God watches over us, even when we aren’t conscious of his presence. 

“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep,” Psalm 121:2-4 (NIV). 

Thank You God, for the helmet that kept my head from being bruised and battered. Dan isn’t the horse for me, and this is another closed door. But Lord, that one incident in my life opened a new path for me. A path which now includes a debilitating, gut-wrenching, fear. But the passion for a horse still burns within me. I know You have the right horse for me.  

Several months of horse dreams passed. I still take a few lessons, but my stomach tightens and I only want to walk, nothing faster. And I meet more horses. Still God closed one door after another during my search. 

My ponderings on abortion

This blogpost differs from my usual style, but I’ve pondered a post on Facebook which includes an article on patheos .com and even my own beliefs about abortion since the day I first read the post on a friend’s timeline.

This is my response to the article, to the question the article poses about what the Bible says about abortion, and even come to terms with what I truly believe. My response includes my research discussing with people who stand on either side of the abortion issue and why they believe what they believe, checking out other websites regarding abortion/abortion statistics, and reading my own Bible. Scripture notations are taken from the NASB translation.

I’ll start off by stating that I’m conservative in my beliefs but too moderate to call myself a Conservative and too conservative to declare myself a Liberal.

In the article Genesis 2 is mentioned as saying life began when God breathed life into the man. And the article suggests that without breath, there is no life. I refute the interpretation that this limits life with breath.

First,  I believe this breath of God did in fact begin Adam’s life, but also that it infused him with a spirit, different from the life force given to animals. We can agree that oxygen (breath/air) sustains life. Animal life at least. Merriam-Webster defines breath as “spirit, animation,” and spirit as “an animating or vital principle to give life to physical organisms” and dictionary. com defines breath as “life, vitality’ so Genesis 2 offers a broader meaning than the patheos article suggests.

Second, The Bible states in Luke 1:41 where Mary, pregnant with Jesus, visits her cousin Elizabeth, pregnant with the child that would become John, the Baptizer – “When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.” Now obviously, something that isn’t alive, cannot leap therefore the unborn baby, still in Elizabeth’s uterus, not having taken his first breath of air, is living. Moving of his own accord. Any woman who has ever been pregnant to the stage of feeling movement of the baby inside her knows very well that the child is a living, moving, waking, sleeping, and even, leaping being. Not “fetal tissue” but a LIVING BEING. No more than any of us reading, or posting on facebook, are just physical tissue.

Some of the comments to my friend’s original post state (paraphrased) that if killing (the unborn) is wrong then so is taking the life of an insect. Genesis 1 – 3 outlines God creating the world and all that is in it, telling man to be fruitful and multiply, granting man duties and responsibilities to till the land and exercise dominion over the animals (again I turn to Merriam Webster to point out that the words dominion and domain have the same root). So basically, Adam was told to take care of his household (the Garden of Eden). The term “animal husbandry” has the same connotation and the same responsibilities.

Had Adam and Eve not sinned by disobeying God (who reserved dominion over humanity for himself) we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. But the truth is we live in a fallen, sinful, depraved world. And that now includes death, disease, destruction, and despicable behaviors.

The patheos article references punishments and in particular states Exodus 22:22-23 as not requiring much in the way of punishment for “men struggle with each other and strike a woman with child so that she gives birth prematurely, yet there is no injury … fined …. But if there is injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for a life.” My thoughts on this are — if there’s no further injury then that means the baby may have been premature but is otherwise uninjured, the woman may have given birth prematurely but the birthing process itself is not an injury and if she is otherwise uninjured then there is a fine for the assault but no further penalty. If either the woman, or the child, is injured then the penalty is a life for a life. Later we see Jesus preaching compassion and forgiveness. My belief, and again this is after much pondering of my beliefs is the penalties outlined in Scripture were to give us boundaries and prevent taking full-scale vendettas or making wars between nations. One life, for one life. No more.

The patheos article argues against Christians using Psalm 139:13, “For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb” as proof of life before birth. I agree, this verse does declare Gods omniscience, but it doesn’t mean that we’re just fetal tissue until we’re born. It means God MADE each and every one. And knows our purpose, our life path, our decisions. Why every child is not perfect, and why every pregnancy circumstance isn’t planned out, and why some children are born into poverty – well, we live in a fallen, sinful, imperfect, despicable world.

I believe abortion is wrong because no matter the circumstances of conception, pregnancy is temporary, it only lasts nine months. Death for the unborn child is permanent. A permanent death should not be used to “solve” a temporary condition.

I add this link as my final answer http://www.abort73.com to the patheos article, which was really more about political positions (written shortly before the last presidential election) than it was about religious viewpoints on abortion.

Sleepless Nights—My 4-Step Solution

Eyes wide open, I turned to look at the clock on the nightstand, 2:18. I groaned, “Not again, why in the world am I awake at 2 in the morning? That’s the third night in a row. There’s nothing I can do at 2 a.m. to fix any of my problems, so why am I awake?”

Sleepless nights. We all have them at one time or another. Sometimes we’re awake because of pain, or hunger, or some other physical reason. More often, it’s our own mind, our thoughts waking us up, keeping us awake.

Just this week, I read not one, not two, but THREE different posts on Facebook from friends who struggled with not enough sleep.

In 2 Corinthians 11:27 the apostle Paul writes, “I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.” (NASB)

Awake in the middle of the night, I know there’s not a thing I can do to solve any of my problems. I’m not at work to earn money to pay bills, the household chores have either been done or must wait so I don’t wake my husband, and it’s certainly the wrong time to consult with any friends who might be able to help.

It’s just me.

Well, it’s me AND God.

I used to ask, “Why am I awake?”

But now I turn to my 4-Step solution for these sleepless nights. Mentally, instead of dwelling on the things I cannot do at 2 a.m. I,

• • Praise God for His amazing creation
  • Share thoughts of gratitude
  • Pray for the people whose names come to my mind
  • “Cast my cares” upon Him

Without fail, every sleepless night I take the opportunity to do these things, when I do  fall asleep, I rest well and waken refreshed, ready to meet the challenges of the new day.

The next time you’re confronted with a sleepless night, spend that time with the Lord. You won’t regret it.

It might even become the most productive part of your day.

“I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will dwell securely,” Psalm 16:7-9 (NASB).